bad days. they happen unexpectedly. anger. a hidden beast of the soul. unleashing it gives rise to terrible consequences. you pushed me to the edge. jumped off the cliff to save myself. don't expect me to swim ashore soon. To swim carelessly through the raging currents is what i may want to do. To give up and drown altogether in my frustration is better. i feel your hands wrapped around my throat. i struggle. let loose, you won't. just breathing becomes difficult. i had to run away from your clutches. 

Crystal-chan, this should be posted a long time ago but I just want to say sorry for not being there celebrating your birthday. it's not my fault it coincided with prom night! but anyway, i'm sure you had lots of FUN without me. I know..saw all your presents and cards. Can't wait for my birthday to come soon=) Glad you loved your cupcakes! Slavery in the kitchen..so worth it when you were jumping up and down overnight in anticipation of eating them!

cold storage RM30 kitchen hours 7 smile on birthday girl's face PRICELESS. woot!

Lady GaGa spotted in London recently. If I were a guy, she would have given me a ghost boner. Hot to the T. 

i got my end of semester results yesterday and sadly, i did not get what i wanted. what i truly wanted, what I had asked god for, what I had wished for every birthday of mine for the past three years and what I had worked hard for in my four years of education in IMU. point blank zero. Totally sunken in sadness and it was difficult trying my best not to show it in front of my friends but i guess disappointment leaked out from every pore of my skin. Everyone knew how i felt. Well at least my close ones do. They knew how badly i wanted this. And to see the friends that I look up to attain it all without much effort, I feel like a squirrel trying to get a nut that is beyond reach. I could just sigh a very deep SIGH. My peers tried to lift my spirits by telling me that i should be grateful and indulge in the mere fact that I passed a somewhat very difficult semester. Yeah true i know that. But the feeling of gratefulness over god's blessing that I have successfully overcome this semester doesn't change anything for me because I know I'm far more capable than this. I deserve more.

To add to that, I did not qualify for a promotional viva. No sir, I did not qualify because of certain unmet criterias. What the hell with these criterias man! I've been on the first bar since semester one and now! *frustration kicks in* I drop to second base because of this ******* semester 8. If my heart was a couldron of broth, oh you should see it bubble with rage. I am enveloped in multiple layers of anger, disappointment, bitterness and sheer jealously. Yes I am jealous. Very jealous because you guys got it all and i don't. I'm angry because life is a little unfair at times. I'm bitter because I didn't get what I want when I threw every last drop of effort and sweat just to be a step nearer to what i wanted. I am disappointed because..well, because I'm disappointed at myself. my own self. i think i look too highly of myself that when i fall, i fall down hard. like glass, it shatters my spirit to pursue other things.

my lecturers tell me stories after stories of how they weren't good students in uni, didn't get first class and all that yadda yadda and then they rose from the ashes like phoenixes when they pursued their masters or PhD. They are now top in their game. I want that. I'd like that to happen to me too. Well, we'll see how that goes. 

Everyone has their own set of issues. Mine is this. You may read this and say bloody hell this woman passed with second uppers and is still spiteful about it. What's your deal? This is me, it's who i am. I simply can't rest if I settled for anything less than the things i desire most. 

But I do feel the pain and remorse in those who did not get through this final semester as they have hoped for. I've felt it before and it hurts, i know. Like a spear plunged into my heart, it bleeds for days, each drip of blood speckled with torment and disappointment. And then I look out of my dark bubble and say how long am i going to be like this. It has happened and now the next best thing to do is to look straight ahead and step up. Work on my mistakes and never repeat them again. Never. Our strength grows out from our weakness.  Resit examinations are not a torture but a well-placed opportunity for you to redeem yourself. I'd like to think failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently. As Ralph Waldo Emerson puts it, "Our greatest glory is not in never failing but in rising up everytime we fail." Reignite that desire to achieve, my dear. Desire is the starting point of all achievement. Not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything. 

Do you remember this quote by GOD from Evan Almighty? Loves it. 

you get the meaning, don't you? that's what i'm trying to say. this is the opportunity to prove yourself. I'm here for you when you need me. 

always have, always will.

**LONG POST AHEAD**

Prom night is officially over. I'm a little sad that it finally came to an end. I enjoyed the entire process of finding THE dress, looking for the right pair of accessories, rehearsing for the stage catwalk, working on my dance, you know things that make me busy. 

My night was filled with adrenaline rushes and multiple bouts of nervousness, fear and anxiousness..especially before and on stage. OMG i tell you, I hate that feeling. so HATE IT. So many mistakes I've made but thank God, my friends didn't notice. small yay for me=p 

At the end of the night, I didn't win the title of Prom Queen. I'm not gonna speak of the person who won it just because I'm a bitter person and I'm not gonna be all Miss World on why she deserved to win instead of ME. I'd like to think the system is flawed. yeah flawed. Or maybe I'm just not cut out for it. I don't know. Jason won Prom King..hmph. Bitter bitter bitter 

Congratulations Steph for winning the Valedictorian award. 

Anyway, I had fun just being around with my friends throughout the night. Huge fun. To see my friends dressed to the nines, looking their best and all that, it was an awesome sight to behold because i'm just too used to seeing them in their usual get-up to uni. At one point during the night, I just kinda stood there and observed my friends. Them smiling, joking, talking, just complimenting one's frock, adjusting the other's bow tie..it just striked me hard on how lucky and grateful i am to have these wonderful people here as my batchmates, people whom I call my friends. Looking back, we've been through it all, thick and thin. Mountain high or river deep. Each hardship and the next. We went through it all together. The time and effort spent in comradery was definately worth it all and all memories of us in unity will forever be etched in every fiber of my heart's myocardium. It was a heartfelt moment at that time and then I heard someone call my name and I kinda snapped off. Couldn't say no to a person wanting a photo of me hehe =)

And yeah, after reading Carol's blog..it is true that our choices point us to different directions. Mine was in IMU and in pursue of my bachelor degree in Pharmacy. Things would have not been the same if I decided on doing MPharm instead of BPharm or to pursue a medical degree in the United States, specializing in dermatology. Or how about if I did the A levels instead of SAM or didn't take PTS or anything like that. I would be attending classes with my juniors instead! And then, I wouldn't be attending the IMU Ball with these batchmates of mine. I would be picture-taking with some other bunch of people or have another guy holding my hand..everything changes. And yet, everything happens for a reason. And I'm glad my life in university was with the class of B105. 

William made this lovely video of us. Let's just say that some faced an emotional ride or two when it was played during prom night. While some of us were too vain to cry because of the make up we had on but I assure you that the video's good man! The last part with Daniel..that was tear-jerking. 

Gather, gather. See my photos! A very selected few. Ripped straight off from facebook =p

kiss my crown goodbye =(

miss annabelle, kawaii!!

more photos coming up. waiting very patiently here. oh yes, i was nominated for best dressed. but that, i also did not win. shite.

until then,

angel

p/s. My results are out tmr. Wish me luck. I don't think I can settle for anything less than what I wanted. But if it does turn out sour, let's hope i don't throw a fit. 

updated. more photos as i promised! 

that's my danny boy and favourite girl

oh so so busy these days. I keep going to and fro from IMU for dance and catwalk rehearsals. which i wonder why anyway since i'm already good at it *vain mode* just joking! angeline chants to herself, "practice makes perfect, practice makes perfect, practice makes perfect.." ok done. went to cold storage after that (i love grocery shopping *ponders awhile* actually i like any kind of shopping) to get ingredients for.......cupcakes! 

why do i see question marks on your faces? hello andrew, i can bake..i like to bake more than i do for cooking actually. I don't know why. Bigger mess but i think i enjoy the process of baking. Besides, i love decorating cakes, brownies, cupcakes especially yum yum yum!

i did not only get my baking stuff, i also bought colored contact lenses, fake eyelashes and a whole other list of stuff. Don't judge me, I really do require those items. I'm so not a spendthrift. 

These are the only ones I could find at that moment. Bought them from Sasa, you can go check them out..plenty of choices. loves it. i bought that one pair for prom night..i know it's a little dramatic but i'm performing on stage. Dramatic is gonna look so subtle then. 

I'm making lemon cream cheese cupcakes. Smelled so heavenly when i took them out the oven..this is an honest baker's verdict ok. If it's bad, i'd say so myself.

It takes a great deal to pursuade me to watch a football match. seriously. i have a greater interest for basketball games that football matches, F1 races than A1GPs, taekwando than swimming, figure skating than ice hockey etc. But I was willing enough to follow my friend for his football match at bangi..OMG bangi, that's like so far away. But i'm not the driver so no complaints here. The match was held at the green fields of the Agro Bank building. What worried me the most was the grey skies that was coming our way. I like rain and all that but only when i'm indoors, covered in my favourite jacket and just staring out of the window, smelling the breeze that comes with the rain. but definately not on me! acid rain. nevermind, a lil bit of sacrifice goes a long way =p

right after OSCE, i felt a huge sense of relief. it's like the burden of four years of pharmacy education has been lifted off my shoulders..yes, lifted off! i felt numb though and all i could think of after that was where's the partay tonight. i was anticipating the removal of pants as suggested by nithiya, the jubilant nakey run off around the atrium as suggested by william or the bottle of swift andrew promised. but nothing. sheesh. 'Who wants to be a millionaire?' was on instead. Set up by the school of dentistry aka jamal malik and game host anil kapoor. whatever. i almost puked, watching the antiques of the game host. 

We went to two monkeys in jaya one for lunch. two monkeys is owned by poleen's sister, aileen and i think the place is a pretty relaxing and comfortable place to be with your dear friends after a week of exam torture. 

till then, random photos below from my camera phone. 

p/s/s. I also have fever and a sore throat. jun jin baka. 

All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus

When i crack that whip, everybody gon' trip just like a circus

Don't stand there watching me, follow me, show me what you can do

Everybody let go, we can make a dancefloor just like a circus

9 days away. The clair de lune is just nine days away people! A special reminder to those sitting on my table, get your ball dresses and suits ready for this special night=) According to www.imuball2009.blogspot.com, there'll be a best dressed award so put on your ultimate best and you might just win your way into earning that title for yourself! Grace, Lizzy and Shin, you know what to do babes *winks*

when life has been everything you want it to be a smooth run of pink silk but now spotted with ink and it destroys the beauty of the silk you weaved over the course of four years but hey you may say it's just a small spot no biggie oh just don't stare at it and you won't even notice but you just don't know the outcome of the mere presence of that filthy mark how it affects the aesthetic flow of the silk when presented to the person who evaluates it in the end who tells you how good you are as a weaver i dunno what i'm ranting here it's just that i'm not particularly happy with my final paper today it was not my best performance but why does it have to be this paper i feel so stupid that paper was i can say doable it's not hard yet it tests on the very basics of your knowledge i think i could do it all but sadly the downfall was i didn't have enough time and insufficient time cost me my marks valuable marks marks i need to score can say bye bye to dean list or first class honours i'd like to think that i won't fail failure was unthinkable i am so in tune to scoring that if i fail big time i think i could commit suicide and make the headlines pharmacy undergraduate dies from drug overdose stress the cause of suicide? figures my friend called asked me how was it and everything when i explained he simply said that i will definitely fail the paper shite this is not what i want to hear damn tulan i tell you i got so freaking pissed argh thanks for nothing redemption that's what i need i have to redeem myself this wednesday i don't know what's the test result but i know i won't fail i hope it can't happen i will pass but i just won't score angeline angeline what have you done this time you studied it all and yet when the easy questions come out you overlooked it it would have been a safer option if you chose question 2 this is the mere consequence of your decision what i can do now is study harder for wednesday's OSCE but shite with all those angmoh lecturers coming down to evaluate us i'm scared that it might affect my overall performance you know i have a thing for eurasians even with keivan i already start stuttering what else with these british people OMG OMG ok ok there's nothing you can do now except to focus on the next and hope for the best if you have to resit it think of it as an opportunity to prove yourself again exams you can't expect perfection it's a factor of question time ideas and how you pen it all down within the time frame you are worthy of forgiveness angeline forgive yourself and let it go alright then after this post i will remove all thoughts of todays mistakes i shall let the chips fall where they may like my friend once said sometimes we need to get a little messed up before we can step up yup true to that i've messed up but i'm gonna stand tall admit to my mistakes and find opportunities to redeem myself i feel relieved pouring all this out of my overfilled brain its back to the books no more looking back you had your moments of glory now see if you can endure a few minutes in the hall of shame 

it's not that bad,

angel

Isla Fisher, the star of Confessions of a Shopaholic and supporting actress in Definately, Maybe is one gorgeous babe. Did you know at the age of 18, she wrote Bewitched and Seduced by Fame (with the help of her mother) that became bestsellers? And did you know she's an Australian (couldn't tell) and that she was named after a Scottish island Islay (pronounced eye-la)? 

Smokin'

AND (shockingly) did you know she is married to the English comedian, Sasha Baron Cohen and has converted to Judaism after three years of study!! OMG imagine the mental trauma when my friend told me that a beautiful woman like her was married to HIM.

Who voiced King Julian in Madagascar 1 and 2

OH MY GAWD, exactly. I know.

All that. And I didn't realize he's a decent looking chap. Geez~ morning shock. Thanks to YOU, YW! Don't forget to throw in your cash for the contest later in the afternoon=)

supposed to study but ended up blogging,

angel

After yesterday's joke, I feel like a gullible klutz. I can't believe I fell for it. Fell for an April Fool's joke! This is the second time only though. The first was when my friend in high school shouted that a cockroach was flying above my head, ready to land. And I screamed my lungs out in evasion and disgust - out of the changing room and knocked a few guys down who were conveniently walking down the corridor. One of them happened to be a crush of mine. It was like a major embarrassment but that was a long time ago. 

At that time, I seriously felt like burying my head in sand just like the pic above. Anyway, the joke was like this. 

I was studying (in deep concentration, mind you) on STEMI (ST-elevated Myocardial Infarction)  and reflecting on how everything seems to fall in place. I'm nearing completion of whatever i need to study for the finals and I'm safe for the next round of the prom queen and king competition. All according to plan. yay me! Then my handphone made a beep. Aha! a message. Open open..read read. 

As if by reflex, all highlighters, ruler and pencil that i was holding in my other hand dropped on the floor. It was as if a dark cloud has moved in and cast a huge shadow over me. I was shocked, my heart was racing so fast. I wanted to win this so badly but the prospects aren't looking to good now. NOOOOO! Calm down. Maybe they refreshed the votes. They do so every week. Maybe these are the votes exclusive for this week only. It might not be too bad after all =/

Ok. type type.

Shite. Die. By this time, I have reverted to denial mode. 

So many things running through my head then. What should I do? Inject cash to vote for myself? (Angeline, how could you think so something like that!) Then a call came in.

A: What?! *frustrated*

TY: Eh, why you so smart today one? 

A: *puzzled* Huh? What do you mean by that? You have to do something! I'm sinking!

TY: Hehe. It was a joke ok! APRIL FOOL!

***a moment of silence***

***a moment of silence***

***a moment of silence***

***a moment of silence***

A: Can you like hold for awhile while I go knock myself out *I screamed SHITEEEE!!*

A: WTH?? so you think is funny la..bloody hell shite i actually believed it oh u r so gonna pay for this shite argh damn this first day of april shiteeeeeeeee!!

.

.

.

.

.

I don't know what you guys are thinking but to me, this was a shocker..a huge joke this april fool's day. What's yours? Has anyone played a joke on you as well?

p/s Other than that first class honours i'm vying for, I want this title for myself too! I will play dirty if I have too. 

in loving peace,

prom queen-in-waiting

Free Blog Counter

Angeline Ng

Create your badge